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  • Writer's pictureERIN


Now that you are both in the planning process I'm sure you have noticed that one of you is taking lead on the planning. That is totally natural. What isn't natural is making planning decisions without the other person.

Is your partner acting indifferent? not participating? completely taking over? short tempered when asked any questions about the wedding?

Well then you need to sit down and talk to them.

I have found that becoming engaged and planning your own wedding is prep-work for marriage. A big event in which you need to work together as a team to accomplish a goal. It is about communication and cooperation with your partner, setting boundaries with each other and with your families, and about loving each other at the end of the day.

In planning my own wedding, I assumed that my fiance could care less about the small details. We talked about the big things and made sure that he was okay with the type of food, how many people, and the location of our wedding. I didn't think that the suit colors, the decorations, and the flowers meant anything to him. I'm naturally the planner and the artist between the two of us - so of course I make those decisions and get all the planning done. Boy was I wrong.

It wasn't really a fight, but he expressed in a very indirect way that he wanted to be more included in the details. That he did not like billy balls in his boutonnière, and that he wanted a dark green suit like Ryan Gosling on the GQ cover. Um, how was I supposed to know if I never even asked him! I felt so badly that I assumed that a gray suit would work for him and that he would just show up on the day wearing what I dressed him in. That is not a partnership. That is not teamwork.

Since then, we have worked out what does not really work for him and what does. We have changed a few decisions that I made without him. I'm still doing the bulk of the planning, but by bringing him multiple options of the things I think may work, he picks and feels included. He isn't going to be super into the type of plates and the color of napkins, but there are some things that he is psyched about.

If your partner is indifferent on the planning details - try to only go over one or two questions/details at a time. You may overwhelm them - You can tell when their eyes begin to glaze over. Today do table numbers and next week do invitation draft. A little a time will help you too.

Since opening up the channel of communication, this process has been a lot easier. Remember, it is teamwork!


PRIORITIZE YOUR PLANNING - Do this worksheet with your partner.

WORD THROWDOWN - Another fun activity to get to know some things about your partner that you may not have known. This is a great worksheet to share with your planner to share your individual personalities.

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