DEAR COUPLES: COVID SUCKS BUT IT DOESN'T HAVE TO
Updated: Apr 28, 2020
I started writing a blog post about this on Friday, March 13th when the WHO first announced that COVID-19 had reached pandemic status. It ended up being a really sad, long form journal entry that was better off not being openly shared on the internet. So I deleted it. Obviously, I’ve had more time to process things since then, but y’all - I’m SAD. I’m angry, impatient, disappointed, frustrated, and depressed. But I’m also feeling motivated and I’m trying to be very present. I’m all over the place, and I’m sure you are probably in the same boat.
2020 has hit us hard with some really crazy shit - it started off with Australia wildfires, tornadoes, earthquakes, near-WWIII (remember that?), and now a pandemic. Every human on the planet has been affected by this virus in one way or another, and every human is processing it differently. The wedding industry is hurting VERY badly on many different levels. Obviously income loss is a biggie, but we are also suffering alongside all of our couples who are forced to cancel or reschedule their weddings. We are feeling that choice with you and the emotional whirlwind that goes with it.
What we are feeling is GRIEF.
And yes, your feelings are valid. You’re allowed to mourn your wedding and the unknown. You’re allowed to spend time working through your discomfort with uncertainty. Your feelings about your postponed/cancelled/potentially rescheduled wedding ISN’T trivial. You have spent a LOT of time, money, love, tears, attention to detail, and physical energy on this one day for you to share your love with your chosen family and friends. This isn’t just a financial loss, but also the loss of the experience you imagined for your wedding, your honeymoon, and how you two would settle into married life. What used to seem SO clear to you is now muddy and the next step is uncertain. Yes, you can grieve that. It is big shit.
Over the last month, I’ve talked to a lot of couples about where they stand in all of this. There are a ton of different reasons that folx are choosing to cancel or reschedule, and we know it’s not a decision made lightly. Just know that we are here for you if you have questions - client or not.
I’ve also thought really hard about how couples can still acknowledge their “day” when it rolls around after having to cancel/reschedule it. I think it is REALLY important for you, as a couple, to figure out the best way for you two to cope with not having your wedding on that date.
So here are some ideas on how to do that in the best way for YOU:
1. MAKE IT A DATE DAY
KEEP IT SIMPLE, BUT INTENTIONAL
Fill your day with things you love to do together! That could be enjoying a picnic outside, cooking a fancy meal together, lighting some candles, or going for an unplugged game night. Do things that remind why you’re each other’s favorite person.
2. INDULGE + BE SAD TOGETHER
BINGE WATCH NETFLIX + EAT JUNK FOOD
It is okay if you want to grieve your wedding day - turn on a Harry Potter movie marathon or binge watch your favorite series like Schitt’s Creek or The Office. Stock up on your favorite comfort foods like chocolate ice cream, popcorn, nachos, etc. My hub and I have done this a lot recently, and golly it feels good to wallow a bit.
3. EXCHANGE VOWS
NOT ELOPING, BUT STILL COMMITTING TO MAKING THIS DAY SPECIAL
You can still share your vows between the two of you. You may not be getting married yet, but you can make a personal, private commitment to each other. Maybe over a glass of wine or your favorite brunch food. Maybe outside in the garden or even just laying in bed together. Personally, I find this to be MUCH more romantic than doing it in front of a bunch of people, but that’s my very Scorpio self speaking. My hub and I decided to keep our “public” ceremony vows simple, but our private vows are actually changing every year. Our yearly tradition is to revisit our vows, recommit, and talk about our needs in our relationship. This could be a fun way to start this tradition in your own marriage!
YUP, YOU TOTALLY DON’T HAVE TO WAIT
If you just can’t wait to get married, but also aren’t feeling the courthouse, you can totally do a secret, low-key elopement in your yard. All you need is your marriage license, two witnesses, and a friend to officiate. It’s really easy to get ordained in NC, but do some research if your friend/officiant lives in a different state. I think there will be a lot of elopements this year with folx throwing 1st Wedding Anniversary parties next year. I’m excited that we can turn this into something fun and beautiful!
**Register of Deeds offices are still open in NC, but are mostly working on an appointment-only basis. I would call to find out how your local office is handling marriage applications in the pandemic.
5. GET MARRIED “LIVE”
LIKE...YOU *REALLY* DON'T HAVE TO WAIT
Virtual weddings are a trend I've seen lately on the internet for couples that truly JUST. CAN’T. WAIT. I’m not totally sure on the legality of the ceremony if the officiant and couple are in different locations, but it might be worth looking into. It is a SUPER modern way to get hitched and would make an amazing video to share with your friends and family - talk about a really freaking cool story to pass down! Here's a great article from APW on how to pull this together!
REMEMBER TO STAY PRESENT
Just to close this out, we are living in the midst of a historical moment right now. That’s *kinda* cool to think about. There’s also a lot of fear and weirdness in it, but no matter what we are really all in this together. So talk to each other - figure out what feels best for you and your relationship. Let’s make some new magic happen.
Sending you all good vibes and good health.